What if he doesn t contact me after 30 days? (2024)

What if he doesn t contact me after 30 days? (1)What if he doesn t contact me after 30 days? (2)Photo: lil artsy

If 30 days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you, then you should give him or her their space. Every break up is different and no written rule says that it's a 30-day cap. Some people can go for 3 months with no-contact.

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Whenever we break up with someone, whether we initiated the breakup or not, we struggle with the 30-day no contact rule. Why? Because we don’t want to adhere to this rule. It doesn’t matter if you are the dumper or the dumpee, you still need to process the breakup and it does affect you.So, what is the 30-day no contact rule, and why is it important? This article will touch base on what it is, how to cut off all communication with an ex, and why it is recommended.Exactly what it says, no contact, cut off all communication for an amount of time determined by certain factors. However, it’s less of a rule and more of a technique or strategy to either move on with your life or reconcile. However, that is not the sole purpose and some women will try to make it all about getting the ex back.Keep in mind, there are always exceptions to the rule. The exceptions to the rule have separate guidelines that need to be followed as well.As I said, there are always exceptions to the rule. Here are the circ*mstances where the 30-day no contact rule would need to be amended:You live together-if possible one of you has to move out during the no contact period. If it is not an option, maybe you can go to a friend’s or relative’s place for a short time. If you are forced to live together during the period of no contact. then keep conversations short, but don’t ignore them. If they ask you how’s your day? Or how was work- keep your answers brief- such as ok, good.You have a child together- All communication needs to be about the kid and no straying away from the topic. If you want to know what time he is going to pick your child up or if your child needs anything- that’s fine. If your child is at least 7 or 8 yrs old, the contact should be minimal.

You work or go to school together

You moved out and you need to gather your belongings or vice versa

You run into them unintentionally.

For the last 3 exceptions- keep everything to a minimum. Say “Hi” and keep it moving. Don’t try to carry on a full-blown conversation because it will only defeat the purpose of the no-contact rule.Are there repercussions when you break the no contact rule? By definition of repercussions, yes if you break the no contact rule, any progress that you have made up until the breaking contact point is negated. Why? Because you are pouring salt on your wound- literally. Think of it in terms of cutting yourself, pulling the band-aid before the cut heals, and pouring salt on it. That is how you will feel if you break the no contact rule.

How Do You Know The Amount Of Time You Should Cut Off Communication?

Determining the amount of time needed to cease communication after a separation or break up depends on certain factors. This includes:

How the relationship ended

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How long the relationship was

What caused the breakup

However, in all of the above situations, you need to take at least a 30-day break. If the break up ended horribly or if the other party cheated then you should consider the period of no contact to last more than 30 days. Personally, I would consider more than a 30 day no contact rule.After the no contact period has ended, you are faced with another decision. What do you do after the 30-day no contact rule? Here are your options:

Make the no contact rule permanent or long term

Try to work things out

Or move on with your life, yet remain cordial or friends.

Give your ex more space

How do you determine what you should do once the no contact has expired? There are many ways to answer, but the best way is to ask yourself a series of questions. This includes:

Has it been at least 4 weeks?

During the time frame, did you spend the time working on yourself?

Have you tried to date someone else?

Is your ex dating someone else?

Have you determined the true reason for the breakup and do you know the route you would take to fix it if you reconcile?

Have you gone through the grieving process of the breakup, or are you still feeling the same way that you did when the break up occurred?

Has your ex reached out to you

If it has been at least 4 weeks since the no contact was initiated, and neither of you is dating someone else, and you want to get back together, you should take it slow, and make sure you have fully grieved the separation. If you still need time to work on yourself, then you can always extend the no-contact to as many days of no contact that you want. Whether it’s 60 days or no contact for another 30 days.If 30 days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you, then you should give him or her their space. Every break up is different and no written rule says that it’s a 30-day cap. Some people can go for 3 months with no-contact.

How To Cut Off All Communication With The Ex?

When explaining the no contact rule, I will sound like a broken record, but to truly test the waters of the 30-day rule you need to take the following steps:

Get out of your ex’s radar- block social media

Take a break from social media for the first part of the no contact time

Hide or unfollow your ex

Don’t accidentally text, call or email your ex- this includes blank text messages to see if they will respond.It means no phone calls, text messages, social media stalking, no liking your ex’s post on social media, no emails, no accidentally bumping into your ex, and most importantly, no reciprocating any contact attempts made by your ex.

Radio Silence

Depending on who you ask, you may get different viewpoints on the concept of radio silence. When you are implementing the no contact clause of the break up you are in an essence ignoring your ex. With radio silence, you are taking it one step further, and making it seem like you fell off the face of the earth. In the eyes of your ex, you have completely disappeared. How is this done?

You need to make it impossible for him or her to know what you are up to. This means no posting on social media at all! No pictures of you and your friends going out, no liking anyone’s post, and no third party communication, such as asking his friends how he’s doing.

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The psychological effect of the no contact rule is to work on yourself and decide to either move on or get back together. It is by no means a time for playing games. So if you are serious about wanting to get back with your ex, or you think you are serious, then you need to completely devote this period of no-contact to clearing your mind and putting things back in perspective.You need to regain independence and mental clarity and then revisit the topic of whether you want to reconcile.The no contact rule works depending on your purpose of putting it in place and adhering to the rules. If you forget the purpose of the no contact break and break the silence, you are setting yourself up for failure. Don’t base the success or failure of the no contact approach on you and your ex reconciling or your ex reaching out to you.The purpose is to grieve, reinvent yourself, and take back your independence. Therefore if you manage to accomplish those things during the no contact period, then the answer to your question is yes it does work.

What is Going Through His Mind?

This is a question that women always wonder when going through the no contact period. I have been guilty of wondering what was going on through my ex’s mind. I wanted to know, if he missed me, does he still love me, is he thinking of me, or did he meet someone else?

Here’s what men that are still in love with their ex think about during this radio silence:

Did I make the right decision?

Does she still love me or does she miss me?

Should I text her first? Or is she going out with someone else?

I wonder what she is doing right now.


The bottom line is that no matter how much you love someone or how much you miss someone if you want things to get better you need to give them their space. The longer you put off the grieving process of a relationship, the harder it will be for you to sort out your feelings. Spend time healing.

As the saying goes, “Time heals all wounds!”



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What if he doesn t contact me after 30 days? (2024)


What if he doesn t contact me after 30 days? ›

If 30 days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you, then you should give him or her their space. Every break up is different and no written rule says that it's a 30-day cap. Some people can go for 3 months with no-contact.

Is 30 days no contact too long? ›

One effective approach is the 'No-Contact Rule' for returning to your Ex. This strategy refers to entirely cutting off your communication, detaching yourself from that toxic member of your life and moving on from your ex following the breakup. Usually, the no-contact period must extend for at least 30-60 days.

Should you reach out after 30 days no contact? ›

Contacting Your Ex After 30 Days Usually Just Upsets Them

Your ex goes through a similar process process when they hear from you. They also construe a mental image of you in their mind.

Do men come back after months of no contact? ›

Yes, they can. People find their way back to their ex if they realize how much they miss her. This may happen if you spend a lot of time together during your dating phase. Also, if he keeps seeing something that reminds him of you, it may be hard to let go.

What does he think after 30 days of no contact? ›

After 30 days or more, he'll come to terms with the fact that it's over. In this final stage of “no contact,” he'll stop reaching out as frequently (or at all), his social media activity will die down, and he'll stop trying to “accidentally” bump into you. There's no more ambiguity in the relationship—you're exes.

How long does it take a guy to realize he misses you? ›

He will miss you most often after you stop missing him. So, a few weeks to two months is the answer to the question, “How long does it take for a guy to miss you?” Typically, men realize what they lost when they can't find a woman with their personality.

What are the stages of no contact? ›

Give yourself room to grieve.

These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We don't necessarily go through them in any specific order, and we don't graduate from one before we move on to the other and never look back. It's very possible to alternate between two stages, sadness and anger.

How long does it take for a guy to come back? ›

It tends to take anywhere from one week to six months. As long as you're chasing him, he will have no reason to come back. But the moment you make him feel like you might be slipping away, he will find a way to check in and ensure that it doesn't happen.

What goes on in a man's mind during no contact? ›

The male mind during no contact is fraught with pain and hurt, which often manifest in the form of anger and negativity. Just like everyone else, men start generalizing and putting women into a certain category in their minds after a rough breakup.

How long does it take a man to miss you after no contact? ›

On average, it takes about 8 weeks for him to miss you.

This is the general basis for the 8-week no-contact rule, which states that you should go at least 8 weeks without any contact after a breakup to allow each other time to heal and grieve the loss of the relationship.

How long of no contact will make him miss me? ›

It can take a man about 3-8 weeks to miss you, but despite what many other articles say on the topic, we advise that there should be no time limit on no contact. Were you valued in the relationship?

Why do men reach out after months of no contact? ›

He just needs the reassurance that he did the right thing

Some people crave validation more than others, and thus it could be a strong reason for them to come back chasing. They just want to check if you're doing exactly as they expected you to do. A few good men might just want to check in if you're doing okay too.

Will silence bring him back? ›

The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.

Will he miss me if I leave him alone? ›

Will he miss me after a breakup is a constant question that women have. With the majority of men, he will miss you if you leave him alone. That might sound ridiculous but there are some very good reasons behind it. 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder' is an expression that is very true.

Will no contact make him move on? ›

With the no-contact rule, male psychology will start to kick in. He will slowly understand that everything is over between you two, and he needs to move on. This may be a long journey for him. But, it is possible.

How long should not contact last? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Is no contact 30 or 60 days? ›

For the majority of couples, 30 days is sufficient time to acquire perspective. In contrast, if you have been involved in a relationship for a lengthy period of time, it may take longer for you to detox and clear your mind. Some people require a period of 60 days to achieve the clarity they require.

How to survive 30 days no contact? ›

Here are a few tips to help you to maintain your distance.
  1. Write a letter to yourself. ...
  2. Give yourself room to grieve. ...
  3. Make a list of every terrible thing your partner ever did. ...
  4. Start a self-care list. ...
  5. Have a breakup buddy. ...
  6. Work on yourself. ...
  7. Start a new hobby. ...
  8. Give yourself some structure.
Sep 25, 2022

How long should I stick to no contact? ›

Most people go no contact for 30 to 90 days.

You don't need to cut your ex out of your life forever—a couple of months is usually a good amount of time to give yourself to heal. If you feel like you need more time, that's absolutely fine (and if you feel like you need less time, that's okay, too).

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